What makes us who we are? Why do we think the way we do? Why isn’t that person like me? The Geriatric (older person), Elder, Senior thinks and acts as they do for a variety of reasons. Here are just a few.
We learn how to be the way we are. Beginning early, raised by our Parents we have learned to respond as we were treated. Reach for the wrong thing? Get yelled at, or during my childhood swatted on the butt and typically you won’t do it again. This is known as conditioned and learned response. Some of us can take more of this than others. Nowadays it’s called child abuse. That’s why it was always important for parents to be on the same page when it comes to discipline at home. Most kids have learned how this works at an early stage. Some never do. They are in Prisons now.
Creatures of habit. We like familiarity. Those of us that were brought up doing the same routines want to keep it that way. Same wake up time, same breakfast, same drive to work or school, and so on. Not unlike muscle memory. And once it is implanted, we have difficulty altering it. Old dogs and new tricks. A teacher you liked that helped you do well with math and since then you’ve actually enjoyed it. Mentorship counts, be one. As we age, we continue to pick up habits, some good, some not so good. Some habits we can share with our kids to mentor them, some we don’t want to share.
When I was first driving, we could always tell the old person driving because of the single seatbelt caught in the door and dragging along side the car. This was back when seat belts were a new concept and buckle up was drilled into our heads. Before cars had airbags (besides the one sitting next to you) and the insides of cars killed us when involved in a crash. Vehicles early on were designed to survive. The occupants not so much. Seatbelts were a new habit to get into, one that these two are not doing correctly. Old habits die hard they say, that’s one reason us old people are the way we are. My folks struggled with their seatbelts because it made it difficult for them to reach around to the back seat to smack us kids when we acted out. Now, most of us old folks have picked up the habit, (a good one) and wear our seatbelts everywhere. That’s not to say I still won’t wear my hat or that Grandma can barely see over the steering wheel. Be patient with us out there.
We are impatient. I often thought kids and younger folks were more impatient than elders. Wrong. Older folks are less patient surely. Why?
Experience, perspective, been there, done that. We have done, been, and have experienced what you are likely going through. Maybe once or maybe several times. We have a shorter time left on earth and no longer wish to go through that again so get out of our way so we can do it our way, the right way, one time on my time.
I told you so. Famous last words that I will have on my tombstone. Perspective. It’s not that we are trying to tell you what to do; well yes we are. We have had experiences to share and would like to save everyone from the same problems and failures that we had to endure. It’s painful to watch someone go through mistakes you already made and you could have saved them the trouble. Pretty noble huh?
Live and learn. That expression is very applicable to older people. We have learned, and even if we made the wrong choices, we want to share that as well. Do as I say, not as I did, should be our motto. I usually share most of the mistakes I have made with my grown children but it really didn’t take hold until they reached near 30. Especially money. We hopefully have saved our kids thousands by preventing them from making some of our stupid money mistakes.
Even though our ears actually do grow the older we get, we cannot hear you. Maybe it was because of a childhood illness or injury. Possibly we were born with a defect. Most likely it is just time and age. The mechanisms have been tortured with yelling, rock concerts, loud vehicle noises and over time, damage does its thing. Sometimes even cancers involving the cranial nerve. My father, who you may recall, was a victim of polio, couldn’t walk so well. He decided he was going to shoot a rattlesnake when we were living in Arizona. Problem was, we were in the car. So needless to say his hearing in his left ear was never quite the same after that episode. And I recall the snake probably slithered away. So be patient, face us and we may hear you. Or not.
We can’t see you. Well, not as well anyways. Some of us have presbyopia, or old age eyes, we need glasses to read and see far. Some of us develop cataracts, so things are blurry. Some older folks have macular degeneration, so the center of their vision is impaired. Eyes are complicated, and sometimes we react differently than you do, based on what we see. Or in many cases what we can’t see. Some of my Patients aren’t clear exactly how I look (fortunately) due to their poor eyesight. So, indeed, the elderly sometimes do not see things they way you might. Are we making progress? Absolutely. Cataracts can be cleared, glasses worn and now even lenses can be implanted to improve focus. The Borg technology continues.
Why are we cranky? You guessed it, we hurt. Not the kind of step-on-a-nail pain (we can handle that) This is the type of pain from time, use and gravity. Knee pain, hip pain, neck and back pain just from use, time and gravity working against us. This is chronic, learned and we get up in the morning with it, try to forget about it and complain about it. So give us a break if we look cranky. We can’t see very well, can’t hear very well and we have pain. Sometimes getting out of bed is a two or three stage effort due to pain. How do we cope? Tylenol, Advil, Aleve and all the meds that you read about that are not healthy to take long term. Including narcotics. Many older people are physiologically addicted to Narcotics, not by choice. Their pain has been constant throughout the years. No, they aren’t selling it out of the trunk of their car or grinding it, smoking it or injecting it, but they need it for control. So if you see that old person driving with the seatbelt hanging out the door, looking cranky and going slow, remember, they may be in pain and on Oxycodone and can’t see or hear very well.
We don’t think as well anymore. Of course Alzheimer’s is the most thought-of disorder that makes us cranky, but everyone in time will have their mental capacities challenged in some way. I refer to this oftentimes as each person’s own “flavor” of cognitive impairment. It might be worsening of short term recall, or long term memory lapses. Difficulty gathering your thoughts prior to expressing them. Forgetting why you walked into the kitchen or garage. Many minor problems may occur which do not mean we are ready for Memory Care. Worrisome? Yes. But many times a normal and predictable part of the aging process. Cope, stay active, think and read. But if one day you lose track of a location you have been driving to for years based on landmarks, consider getting help. Thankfully, the day of Uber and soon to be autonomous vehicles is upon us and provided we can work the technology we will still have transportation our predecessors never had.
Enjoy the beauty and Power of youth!